There is a reason mothers often say “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Inspired by this video…:
I asked women in my social media ‘verse what people have said to them about breastfeeding.
Hold on and sit down the responses may surprise and shock you.
”You got a titty baby right there!” ~ hillbilly mother in law. I really can’t stand the word “titty” being used when talking about breastfeeding.
“Can you stop leaving your tit milk in the fridge?” (step dad)
Well most ironic was something “really you’re doing that here?” Ironic because it was said by somebody w/ a mouth full of Big Mac. I (somehow) kept a straight face and said, I’m sure he’ll share his if you share yours! tee hee
“I think that’s indecent exposure.” WTH??
*eyeroll from person* “Don’t you think it’s time to wean that kid?” also have heard, “So when are you gonna cut her off?” Mind you….she’s only 2….
”Formula or breastfed, in the end it doesn’t make much of a difference.” ugh
“You still do that? HOW old IS she?” Then I felt I had to back it by saying only at naps and bedtime…
I get the “When are you going to stop that?” Littlest one is 2 1/2 now, and still nurses to sleep. One friend joked he’d be potty trained before he was weaned….and she was right!
‘Sure, breastfeeding is nice at night, but what formula are you using?’ family friend offering free formula to ‘help’
“2yrs?! I’ve never HEARD of such a thing.” When I discussed WHO recommendations & my intent to comply
“Time to give those puppies a rest.” -male friend when my daughter was 9 months
While pregnant and fil says “breastfeeding is ‘annoying.”
“Are you ever going to stop?”
“Doesn’t she have teeth? “
“Shouldn’t you be covering her up?” (it was July)
“Can’t you do that inside?” I was feeding my nb DD on my front porch while 5yo DS played outside.
and drum roll please my personal “favorite”…………………..
” didn’t know we were in the projects.” – neighbour’s friend, seeing me nursing my 6mo.
So what did we learn here?
Unless you formula feed or bottle feed expressed milk to your baby, people think they can say whatever they want to a breastfeeding mother.
The insinuation is that you are poor, ghetto or some other race (because you cannot afford formula, are tribal or old school and don’t know about superior formula).
That babies have no right to eat whenever and wherever they are hungry.
That mothers who choose to breastfeed do not have a right to their choice.
That it is wrong to expose men, children, others in public to a child feeding in a biological way.
That breastfeeding and formula are equivalent.
That breasts are only sexual.
The list could go on – extrapolate for yourself. Sadly many comments were made by WOMEN to other WOMEN.
Breastfeeding IS the physiological expectation of both mother and baby. It just IS.
I look forward to your comments!
Remember, There is a reason mothers often say “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Being an active participant in your pregnancy and birth journey begins with choosing your provider. You can begin the search for the right provider fit prior to becoming pregnant, in early pregnancy or anytime before your baby is born. So much of how your pregnancy and birth unfold are directly related to your care provider.
Every provider is not the right fit for every mother and vice verse. If you already have an established provider relationship, these questions can be used as a re-interview tool.
When asking these questions, take care to really listen to the answers. If a provider will not meet with you prior to you becoming a patient, that can be a red flag.
Begin by expressing your overall idea of what your best pregnancy, labor and birth looks like to provider.
What are your core beliefs, training, experience surrounding pregnancy and birth?
What sets you apart from other maternity providers?
How can you help me attain my vision for pregnancy, labor and birth?
If I have a question, will you answer over the phone, by email or other avenue outside of prenatal appointments?
How much time will you spend with me during each appointment?
What routine tests are utilized during pregnancy? What if I decline these tests?
What is the average birth experience of first time mothers in your practice?
How do you approach the due date? What do you consider full term and when would I be considered overdue?
What are your patient intervention rates? (IV, AROM, continuous monitoring, episiotomy, etc.) Cesarean rate? VBAC rate? Induction rate? What induction methods are used? When are forceps/vacuum used? These numbers are tracked.
What positions are you comfortable catching in? Birth stool? Hand/Knees? Squatting? Standing? Water? How often do patients deliver in positions other than reclined or McRoberts positions?
How do you feel about me having a birth plan?
What if I hire a doula? Do you have an interest in who I work with or restrictions? If yes, why?
Do you have an opinion on the type of childbirth or breastfeeding class I take? If so, what and why?
Are you part of on call rotation or do you attend your own overall? Will the back-up or on-call CP honor the requests we have agreed on?
Are there any protocols that are non-negotiable? If you cannot refuse – you are not consenting.
What if I choose to decline a recommended procedure or intervention in labor or post birth, how will that be viewed?
When will I see you during labor?
What postpartum care or support do you offer?
Will I be able to get questions answered or be seen before the 6 week postpartum visit?
Points to ponder afterward:
Did you feel immediately comfortable and respected at the interview? If already with a CP, do you feel comfortable, respected and heard at each appointment?
Were there red flags or white flags?
Was or is care provider willing to answer questions in detail without being annoyed?
Is choosing your care provider based on your insurance or lack of insurance?
What are you willing to do in order to have the birth you really desire? Birth location?
How much responsibility are you willing to take for the health care decisions for you and your baby?
If you were my best friend, I would tell you there is not any one-size-fits-all “childbirth” class. Education can be foundational to informed decision making and better outcomes for both mother and baby.
You and your baby matter more than a cookie cutter or “good patient” class can offer you.
I encourage you to go about choosing a class series in the same way you would choose a provider or birth location. Do some investigating, spend time discerning your needs and even interview the educator.
The Search:
Get referrals from:
Women who have had or wanted the type of birth you are desiring
From local birth groups or doulas
Your provider
Do a web search for classes in your area. There may be many offerings of differing methods and philosophies outside and within the hospital setting.
If you are thinking about a hospital sponsored course, find out if it is a comprehensive series or a what happens to women once they get to our hospital class? This is otherwise known as a good patient class.
Check out the course website, then call or email the instructor to get a feel for her style and philosophy. Even a hospital based educator should be able to call you back or email you.
Before paying and registering:
How long is the series?
A comprehensive series is between 12 and 24 hours of instruction and a minimum of 4 class sessions up to 12 class sessions. The condensed express classes of one or two partial days are not designed for good retention or appropriate processing. It IS worth the investment of time.
When is the class? Day of week and time of day needs to fit into your lifestyle. Again, I encourage your investment over a period of time versus a one-day class. If you cannot find a fit, consider a private class. It is important to have classes finished by 35 or 36 weeks pregnant.
Where is the class held? Classes may be held in like-minded businesses (chiro office, yoga studio, doula office), in home, care provider office, birth center or hospital. Is it safe? Is it easily accessed?
What organization is the instructor trained and certified with? Though certification is not required, it can be very important what training and background an educator has. If instructor is certified, check out the organization’s philosophy and beliefs.
What does the instructor’s experience involve?
What is the instructor’s philosophy and style?
What is the cost of the course? Classes can cost anywhere from free through a hospital to a few hundred dollars. It really can be a wide range. Find your comfort level. Though expect to invest in a good class. Free or low cost classes are often not comprehensive in nature.
What is the course content? A comprehensive class should include a variety of topics, such as, pregnancy basics, common terminology, normal physiologic changes, emotional health and connection, exercise, nutrition, prenatal testing, birth plans, informed consent, communication skill building, overview of spontaneous labor and birth, labor milestones with comfort and position strategies, overview of all options in labor and birth, labor partner role, immediate postpartum, navigating first weeks postpartum, overview of infant feeding, infant norms, medications and interventions, cesarean, unexpected events, role-playing scenarios, relaxation practice and local/online resources. It is usual to expect homework on top of class time as well.
What are the birth outcome statistics for class participants? It may be difficult though to get true data whether a philosophy-based or method-based class.
May I visit a current class to “check it out” before signing up?
What is expected of me as a class participant?
Will I fit in as a single mother, LGBT person, a high risk mother, etc.?
What do I need to bring?
Who may come with me?
Is there a lending library?
What is the average class size?
Here’s to peaceful gestation AND education. For additional information and sample of what a series can look like visit www.prepforbirth.com.
A birth plan is purposeful. It can act as a values clarification exercise for you and your partner. Then it is a vehicle to open communication with your care provider about your needs, desires, wants for labor, birth and postpartum.
What you want and need matters.
A brief one page plan with an opening paragraph with bullet point information specific to individualized care and desires not usually within your care provider’s standing orders or usual protocols of the birth location.
I advise you take the written birth plan to a prenatal visit at least a month prior to your given estimated due date. This gives time for conversation, to have a clear understanding of expectation and agreement.
If it becomes apparent that you and your provider are not on the same page, you then have time to seek out another provider that fits you and you fit with.
Remember it is not a legal documentthat your location of delivery or care provider must adhere to.
Birth Needs and Desires for: _______________________.
Care Provider:_________________.
Estimated Due Date: _________________.
I am planning on a no to low-intervention labor and delivery. I plan on being mobile, lightly snacking, drinking orally, and having ___________ present. I understand that intermittent monitoring of me and my baby will be necessary. I want to be fully consented for any procedure that may come up and fully participate in the medical care for myself and my baby. I understand that there is pain management available to me, I will ask for it if I so desire.
I plan on wearing my own clothing. I will ask for a gown if I change my mind.
I would like a saline lock in lieu of a running IV.
Limited vaginal exams after initial assessment.
In the event an induction and/or augmentation is medically necessitated-
Ripening – Foley Catheter instead of Cytotec (misoprostol), Cervadil or Prepadil
Pitocin – A very gentle and slowly administered dosage increase.
AROM – will only consent to if an internal fetal monitor is a must.
Spontaneous pushing and delivery in any position I am most comfortable with.
External pressure and/or compresses instead of any perineal or vaginal stretching.
No cord traction or aggressive placental detachment, including deep uterine massage.
Delayed cord clamping for at least 10 minutes or until my placenta spontaneously detaches (baby can receive oxygen or other assistance while still attached to me).
Postpartum and Baby Care
Request that my baby is on my belly or chest for assessments and warmth (even oxygen can be given on me)
Delayed bathing
Delaying vaccinations including eye ointment and vitamin k.
Exclusive breastfeeding, no pacifiers, sugar water, or formula. I will hand express if necessary. I will hand express if needed to syringe feed my baby.
No separation from me unless absolutely medically necessary not just protocol.
Cesarean: In the event a cesarean becomes necessary and is not a true emergency requiring general anesthesia. I would like to keep the spirit of my plan A to plan C so the delivery can be as family centered and intimate as possible.
Only essential conversation related to the surgery and delivery
Lower sterile drape or have a mirror present so I may see my baby emerge
Only one arm strapped down so I may touch my baby
Pictures
Aromatherapy as I desire for comfort, abate nausea and to mask surgical odors
Baby to stay with me continuously in OR and recovery
If baby must leave OR for treatment, my partner/spouse goes with baby and I would like my ____________ to stay with me so I am never alone.
Breastfeed in OR and/or recovery
Delayed immunizations
Delayed washing and dressing of baby
No separation from me except what is absolutely medically necessary
I am willing to hand express if baby cannot get to breast right away.
This “plan” may be copied, pasted and edited for use by others.
A birth plan has more than one purpose. It begins as a value clarification exercise, then becomes a communication tool with your care provider and ultimately a guide of needs and desires during labor, delivery and postpartum. Even if your birth location does not ask for birth plans, it is a good idea to write one for your own benefit.
Step 1
Clarifying your needs, wants and desires. Here are the Birth Menu of Options and Assessing Your Feelings use in childbirth class to begin the value clarification process. The birth menu is most helpful when you begin by crossing out what you are not interested in, highlighting the items you know you want and circling what you need to research. The AYF worksheet is for you and your husband/partner/non-doula labor support person to go over together to ensure you are on the same page and open up conversation. Doing this prior to 35 weeks of pregnancy gives you more time to coordinate with your care provider or birth location. If you have a doula or are taking a childbirth class, she/he can help you in this part of the process as well.
Step 2
Write down in order of labor, delivery, immediate postpartum and in case of cesarean needs and desires. Your plan really needs to be within one typed page for easy reading and digesting by care provider and staff. The only items that must be listed are care options that are outside of usual practices, protocols or standing orders. Here is the Sample Low Intervention Birth Plan we use to help you see a finished format and types of pertinent information that may be necessary to list.
Step 3
Take your written plan into your care provider. This is a conversation starter, a beginning, a partnering tool.As I encouraged above, early to mid 3rd trimester gives you more flexibility in communicating with your provider and setting your plan in motion. It also gives you opportunity to change providers or birth location if you cannot reach a comfortable agreement.
Step 4
Make any changes.Finalize. Print out final copy. Give one to care provider, have one in your bag for labor and birth, give one to doula (if you hired one). Though this is not a binding or legal agreement it can go a long way toward the type of care and birth you want.
